When my dad called me from rehab, I remember feeling more embarrassed than sad. He told me he was addicted to crack cocaine. I was only five. Growing up in a wealthy, white Pittsburgh suburb, the innocent child I was couldn’t understand it, and I was smart enough to know that none of my friends would either.
The fallout from my parents’ divorce was harsh and violent, and my brother and I were the unintended victims. But the divorce wasn’t the most difficult part–it was the choices my father made afterward. Clean from crack but still an alcoholic, my father met an emotionally abusive, mentally ill woman who would change me forever. That woman changed the course of my life by opening my eyes to one of the worst evils in this world: abusive parents and an apathetic society.
On weekends, I’d leave my loving mother’s stable home to follow the court-ordered custody agreement, visiting with my father and his new family. The household smelled of filth. Parents, unable to function on their own, were raising four innocent, beautiful children. They would drink until drunk, fight until dawn. On occasions, my stepmother went after my father with a knife, while I watched in terror. I witnessed horrible things during the weekends, but nothing compared to what my half-siblings experienced every single day.
Other family members reported the abuse and the authorities responded. But my siblings would always end up back in the abusive home. As a police officer said at the time: “If their bones aren’t broken and they’re not molested, the system wants to preserve the family unit.”
Each time the kids were removed, my stepmother would shield them from the loving family members who were doing the reporting. After two removals and two re-placements, my siblings distrusted the system. When they were put back into the home the final time, their mother became even more controlling and abusive. I didn’t hear from them for months, and they would never speak up for themselves again.
Photo by Enrique Saldivar.
At 30, a healthy, happily married entrepreneur and mother of two beautiful children, I realize from my own family experiences that I’m an anomaly. I never touched drugs with a ten-foot pole, and am near completion of a master’s degree from Carnegie Mellon University. At age 25, I became the youngest press secretary to a big-city mayor. I currently run a growing public relations firm.
But my heart still screams and cries when I think about my drug-addict older brother’s plight. Every time a creditor calls my house trying to locate him, I’m reminded of my painful past. My two younger siblings will never earn a high school diploma. These are more common outcomes for kids who are raised in abusive homes.
The system completely failed my family. There were healthy homes my siblings could have gone to. Now, as a mother, I’m committed to starting a national dialogue to examine our shortcomings in protecting children. Women fought to end slavery, we fought to vote, we are fighting for LGBT rights; now, we must fight for children’s rights. I believe children’s rights should be the single largest human rights issue for milennials.
The philosophy of our current child welfare system protects parents more than children. On the extreme end, young children, mostly under 3, are dying at the hands of their parents. In my home state alone, 90 children died or nearly died from child abuse in 2013. More than half of these children were “known” to child authorities.
Despite stunning research proving that psychological abuse severely damages developing brains and causes long-term mental illness, only children who are in physical danger are considered for removal. Every time I see a drug-addicted adult, I feel so frustrated. Were they once an innocent, abused child?
We want to believe that our government is doing everything possible to protect our most vulnerable children, but it isn’t. In Pittsburgh, a recent case left me floored and finally pushed me into doing this advocacy work. Two Ethiopian-born children were nearly killed by their adoptive parents. When I learned that the main perpetrator would be “punished” with only six-months work release so that she could take care of her two biological children, I was physically ill. I reached out to many local advocacy organizations. No one would take a public stand against the powerful judge on the case.
So I did. I decided to hold a rally, and in the meantime I learned everything I could about our so-called “child protection” system. I squeamishly read department of public welfare child fatality reports. Every case, every child’s name, drew a tear. Sometimes the floodgates would open. This could have been one of my siblings.
If ordinary citizens like me demand deep, meaningful change to our system, there is hope. Child advocates throughout America need to come together in a coordinated lobbying effort to ensure that Congress enacts federal laws that have teeth, and send a real message to perpetrators. But the judicial system is just one layer of the onion.
Mothers, ordinary citizens, lawmakers and the media need to roll up our sleeves and ensure that not one more child is robbed from their childhood at the hands of an abusive parent.
Joanna Huss is a Pittsburgh- based PR executive, children’s advocate and Mom. Follow her on Twitter.
28 comments
I'm in Scotland and I have no idea where to begin no one seems to want to touch this sort of thing and they had me now my children forced me to terminate another couple through the same abuse they took me from my family this has happened to too many I must make a stand! how can I without any help I'm still healing and fighting now 30 it's time to heal my children too! HELP ME PLEASE I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!
Very strong Joanna. Keep up the good fight.
This is an emotionally powerful article to read, and knowing that your case is just one of so many, is just simply heartbreaking. I feel that love, consistent structure and support are the most important things you can give a child for mental and emotional health and their future stability within the world. It is painful to see their traumatized faces and know that they have very few people to rely on for help or to show them the compassion that they so crave and deserve. We must all be willing to fight for them and give them the security that will allow them to become the strong advocates for future generations in this important work. Well done, Joanna. And may these efforts be a catapult to success in stopping the silent power of abuse.
This article speaks volumes! It's time we take a stand and protect our nations children give them the future they deserve!
Thank you for sharing your story. Victims of abuse need to speak out, together we can make change. Sounds like you are doing amazing things. Sharing this.
Thank you for sharing your story and fighting for a very important cause. You are not only a gifted spokesperson, but a gift to society. I am honored to say that I know you!
Keep speaking your truth….
If all those quite voices out there spoke out, it may be harder keep ignoring the painful truth of not only a broken system, but a social system which is unwilling to see a need for change.
Is that what we can really accept?
Jo- I commend you on your success and wanted to let you know that your strength & bravery has truly inspired me to speak up and do more when it comes to child abuse. I too have survived abuse and now consider myself an advocate for the children who's voices have been silenced. Unlike yourself, I was unable to fight the temptation of drugs and alcohol. I used them as a way to "escape" the pain & torment i endured and I have seen many dark days. The darkest of which were created by my abusers, then created by my own hand as a coping mechanism to function in everyday life. Abuse doesn't stop when these children are removed from the presence of their abusers. It continues throughout life and truly does change people forever. I somehow managed to get my life together and graduated from Duquesne University, with a Master's degree in Multimedia Technology. I have a beautiful 2 year old son and couldn't imaging ever doing anything to hurt him. There IS hope for these children and we, as a great city and a great nation, need to do everything in our power to protect them. I just recently became involved in the life of a beautiful, smart, young girl who is fighting to have her biological brother removed from an abusive home, along with 6 other adopted children. The abuse these children are currently suffering is UNIMAGINABLE. Despite her MANY attempts to get child services involved, nothing has been done. Thanks to an organization called KidsVoice, I am hoping that resolution and justice comes quickly to these children. Our system needs to be revolutionized. The way it operates currently is really a tragedy in itself. Laws need to be harsher for abusers and justice needs to be brought to these people in a timely manner. If you can help save ONE CHILD from abuse, you can truly change the world. Keep fighting Jo… I know I will.
Very well written Joanna. It is so hard to see and hear about kids being hurt by their own family members and people that are to protect them.
Joanna, I hold deep sorrow for the horror you lived as a child. I appreciate your courage and your determination. Though I no longer work as a lawyer, for many years I practiced law, and much of my work was as a matrimonial lawyer where the issues you raise were alive (and still are). Progress has been slow. Through many organizations such as the Women's Center and Shelter and other domestic violence centers, we have seen efforts and progress in educating women and supporting them to leave. Through the network centers that are members of the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape we have made important steps to aid in education, prevention and fair treatment for victims (including children) of sexual assault, and the Coalitions special project, Vision of Hope, has a complete focus on children. It is heartbreaking to constantly see and know it is children who suffer so much from the horrors of what has become an increasingly violent society, and discouraging that lawmakers who refuse to work against violence, who have no drive to transform the world, comprise such significant components of our government. I hope that the effort you are undertaking will be a catalyst for a giant leap forward. Heartfelt thanks.
Thank you for being brave and sharing your story and for reminding the "powers that be" that ALL children matter.
Joanna, Your bravery in telling your story is admirable and humbling at the same time. Your statue and credibility in the Western Pa community and beyond is golden and your willingness to tell it all will hopefully cause more people to take an active stance for children's rights. Abused children are not voters and their parents rarely are so the only way to get our political leaders and judges to pay attention is by your call to action. Count me in and I plan to send your story to many people so they can join the fight you have fearlessly started. Thank you
It takes courage to share pieces of a hurtful past, but that is the first step to making change, speaking up! The more people that speak up and rally against this, the faster there will be a solution. More and more studies are proving the long term effects of child abuse. We need to cultivate a better future not destroy it. It is time for a change!
Well written. Seeing the abuse that exists in this world breaks my heart. What hurts even more is that beyond reporting it, there is very little I can do. I just want to bring these kids home with me so they can be given a chance in this world. And make sure they know what love and family is.
This is so powerfully true. How can I get involved?
Thank you for making a difference in the lives of children! Your courage and honesty will help others!
Very brave article Joanna. Amazing that you came out of that with a successful life and beautiful family. It is heartbreaking to watch on the news and think of the horrible things that so many kids endure.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am truly inspired by your passion on this extremely important issue. You were not the youngest press secretary by accident, that speaks volumes about your work ethic, intelligence and passion. i am here to support your efforts anyway i can. Keep up the great work!
Well written article. Kids are not protected. I have witnessed abuse and nothing done for well over the 30 year's I have been working in the emergency room..
You are an amazing mother, wife, friend and entrepreneur. If there is someone who is strong enough to make a difference, it's you. I'm hear to spread the word for the kids. We need to protect them. This is so hidden in everyday life, it's sad.
Thank you for sharing your story. Child abuse needs to be taken seriously. We need to protect our kids. I'm sad to see you had to go through this pain throughout your life. I'm so proud of you for using it in a positive way to inspire others who can relate.
Joanna, thank you sharing your story. I was blessed to have a wonderful childhood that was always safe- your story is a reminder not to turn a blind eye and to remember that not everyone is as lucky as I was even if they appear to be fine on the outside. Thank you for your courage and conviction to stand up against abuse. You’re an inspiration. Big hugs!
Very good article and inspiring. There has to be a "0" tolerance policy when it comes to abuse of a child or domestic violence. It has taken years of drunk driving accidents for drunk driving to be charged as a crime for an issue that seems so very clear. If you drink and drive, you are responsible for a death you may cause. If you beat, rape, abuse or verbally assault your child or spouse causing damage for life in most cases, you must be held accountable. I know of many situations including my own where getting help for the family, the Catholic upbringing strategy, seldom helps for people who are serial abusers. After 8 therapists and marriage counselors in a 16 year marriage, nothing changed and things became progressively worse over many years. When we looked to the family court for protection, we were in for a big surprise because conflict is how they make their living so they create more of it and continue it. Protection of children is the last thing on their minds. When the criminal division got involved charging horrible crimes that only came to light through the custody process, there was no protection for my children and they were forced to visit with their father who was charged with raping them, unsupervised throughout the criminal case. When we asked the ADA for a protective order so the children could feel free to testify, we could not get one forcing my son to visit in fear for his life if he testified. The criminal division and the family division callously gave back the Barbour's natural children, ordered by the same family court judge Mulligan from our case, but only after their testimony was taped so the criminal division could make their case. That is all they care about. None of the children should have been given back to the Barbours because they have shown that they are a danger to children. If these people had been poor, they would be doing time. In our case the punishment for my ex husband was going to be 10 years, then a new judge was assigned and it was going to be work release (on four felonies), then it was going to be house arrest, then finally it was 3 misdemeanors for endangering the welfare of 3 children with no consequences except non-reporting probation for a year leaving the ADA to say, in writing, "I wish I could have gotten you more" but the fix was in and there was nothing he could do. At the end of the day, protecting children and victims of domestic violence is very difficult and we will be and are met with anger and people who don't support this effort. Many of those people make a living off of the misery of these victims.
Speaking up is the first part of truly driving change.
It’s crazy to think that I didn’t even know half of what was going on and I lived a yard away and was part of yours and your brothers childhoods as both of you were part of mine. I do know however that you have made all that know you proud!! Keep it up!
Joanna, Your witness is incredibly compelling. You have been given the gift of communication for a reason. You are the best kind of advocate!
Bless you for your courage and witness.
Thank you, Joanna, for sharing your story and fighting for children.