Domestic violence is fraught with stereotypes and assumptions. If asked to envision a domestic violence scenario, I doubt that most people will picture a white, upper-class family in the suburbs. Domestic violence has long been stereotyped as a low-income problem. There’s this belief that wealthy families just don’t experience violence. And while it is true that financial strain can definitely increase the risk of domestic violence, it is important to note that no one is immune. It can happen to anyone– even the people you’d least expect.

You may not think of a woman with a high income and education level as a typical victim of domestic violence. But research has actually shown that women earning more than 67% of the total household income were seven times more likely to experience psychological and physical abuse than women who earn less than 33%.This statistic was found by researcher and sociologist Heidi Fischer Bjelland, who stated that “whenever power is unevenly allocated in a relationship the chance of physical and psychological abuse increases. And the abused partner is the one with the highest status.” Often times violence and control are used by a partner as a means to regain power and compensate for their ‘weak’ position in the relationship.

But this doesn’t mean that a wealthy husband is off the hook. In fact, wealthy men will often use their financial resources to debilitate their partners by depriving them of access to finances. They will tell their partners over and over that if they try to leave, they will have no money to live on their own, let alone be able to beat him in court. On top of this, if a woman does choose to leave a wealthy man, it is likely that the man will suffer no consequence. A recent New York City study revealed that spousal abuse by wealthy, powerful men rarely leads to police intervention. Government figures show that only 8 percent of reported domestic-violence attacks come from people with incomes higher than $75,000. And to add insult to injury, up to 75% of domestic violence homicides happen after the victim has already left her abuser- an answer to the overwhelmingly common question “Why didn’t she just leave him?”.

The truth of the matter is that upper-class households are not immune to domestic violence. In fact, upper-class victims face their own special challenges.

Wealthy victims are often extremely isolated. Susan Weitzman, the author of “Not To People Like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages”, says that higher-income people hide behind what she calls a veil of silence. “They believe it’s only happening to them. No one can hear you scream on a 3-acre lot.” Charlotte Watson, director of New York’s Office for Prevention of Domestic Violence, says that “these women don’t see themselves reflected in the places we normally see domestic violence portrayed, so when they are abused, they believe they’re the only ones it’s happening to.”

Another major challenge facing upper-class victims is the shame and stigma that comes with being a victim of domestic violence. “Being a victim of a tyrannical spouse doesn’t fit with a successful and wealthy woman’s idea of who she is,” Weitzman says. “They feel shamed and isolated. They blame themselves, thinking they should have known better.” And often times, women with lavish lifestyles feel guilty for wanting out of their marriage. Katrina Ross-Scott, a classical pianist who was abused for a decade by her wealthy husband, explained this guilt. “I didn’t even admit how bad it was. I was thankful I had a nice home, food on the table, great kids. At the time, I thought, ‘How could I be so selfish as to ask for more?”’

With elevated income comes elevated social status. So the judges, doctors, lawyers, etc. held in high esteem in the community are the friends, coworkers, or often even abusers of these victims. A victim must be willing to accept the stigma and have great courage to identify herself as a victim of abuse. She must also accept that her friends and neighbors may not be willing to admit that domestic violence affects their community, let alone anyone they know. Often the victims are blamed for the abuse or told to stay in the marriage to “keep up appearances”. Social status is so important in these wealthy neighborhoods that domestic violence is often kept secret by many to preserve the appearance of the community. In the case of Katrina Ross-Scott, her mother-in-law wrote up a list of “rules” for her to be a “better wife” and not anger her wealthy husband, Andrew. “That was his family’s solution,” says Ross-Scott. “They’d do anything to cover up his problem. The family name means everything to them.” And the high social status and income level of the victims makes it more likely that the people they tell won’t believe them. The theory is that when upper-class victims seek help, they are met with skepticism or ignorance.

Domestic violence is an issue that pervades every socioeconomic class. Race, income, education- none of it matters. Domestic violence is blind to these factors. It is important that we stop seeing it as a low-income problem and recognize that it is a universal problem. We must get rid of the stigma, challenge the stereotypical domestic violence narrative, and work to make every woman feel safe in their own home.

By: Cianna Allen